I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
