I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
sex in a hospital.. check
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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