If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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