I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
