ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
