im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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