Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
