mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
