I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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