have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
