Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
