she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
