I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
