The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I want to fling myself into the sun
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
