Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
