The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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