a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
