dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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