I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
