remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
