a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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