i already hear my dad disowning me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
