He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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