I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
