and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
