Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
