Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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