I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
