the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
