umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
