uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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