I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just tell him i said nine months
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
