your thong is hanging out like whoa
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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