My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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