he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
