I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
