yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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