Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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