Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
