where does the pee come out of this thing
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
