grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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