All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
