Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
