I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
