Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
