I puked a lego.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
