My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
