never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
