Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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