matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
