I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
