So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
