I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
