I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
