I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
