Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
