Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
