do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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